The first thing to remember if you are experiencing bullying is that you are not alone and actions can be taken to make things better. A lot of kids feel like they do not have any control and their only hope is the problem will go away on its own. STARS is here to reassure you that there are things you can do to take back some control (The Bully Project).
What Can You Do The Moment It’s Happening:
Walk Away: If it all possible try to remove yourself from the situation immediately (Anti-Defamation League).
Breathe & Observe: Take a moment to look around and observe who and what is going on around you. Breathe again. Take the time to ask yourself what you want the bully to stop doing and what you want them to do instead. Yes, this sounds silly and obvious but this will help you to remind yourself that your feelings are justified and no one has the right to take your feelings away from you (The Bully Project).
Ask Them To “Stop”: Only if you feel safe to do so, ask the aggressor to stop. Ask in a firm but calm manner. For example: “Stop making rude remarks about my looks and then saying, ‘just kidding’” and laughing. I know you can say what you want, but I want you to stop.” (The Bully Project).
Walk Away: Think about walking towards safety instead of walking away from the bully. For example, walk towards a classroom where you can see the teacher you trust or walk toward a group of adults (The Bully Project).
Stay Collected: Try to stay calm. Keep your emotions in control. Sometimes showing fear or anger can aggravate an aggressor (ADL).
Don’t Threaten or Retaliate: Fighting back or responding in a similar manner can continue the cycle, try not to fight or bully back. The only thing this will accomplish the problem is make the problem much bigger and more out of control (The Bully Project).
After The Incident?
Tell Someone You Trust: Never keep bullying a secret. It is important to reach out to a friend for support or someone you trust. Not only can your friend help you decide what to do next but you will feel better by telling someone (ADL).
Report To An Adult: Make sure you report the incident to an adult. Remaining silent will only make things worse. It is important to remember that reporting a bully is not tattling or snitching. Tattling is when a person is only trying to get another person in trouble. It is critical adults know about bullying behavior; if they don’t, adults can’t address the problem. However, it is important to think about who you tell because some adults are better at dealing with these kinds of problems over others. Make sure the person you tell is an ally. An ally is an adult that you trust; they encourage you and they give you courage and confidence to face your fears. An ally can be your teacher, school counselor, parent, mentor, friend’s mom or dad, guardian, neighbor, etc. This is the person to whom you want to report the bullying. Remember if the person you tell does not make any effort to resolve the problem, tell another adult immediately (The Bully Project), (ADL).
If you do not feel like there is trusted adult in your life you can reach out to call:
1-800-4-A-CHILD
As Time Goes On…
It is only natural to be scared to go to school or to show up to practice. If you are feeling scared, make sure to tell an adult. Being bullied is never your fault, and you have the right to be in school and enjoy other after-school activities. No matter what people say about you, think about you, or how they have treated you, everyone deserves to be treated with respect; everyone deserves to be able to go to school without being made to feel awful.
Find Safe Spaces: Try to avoid places where there are few adults who can help and where bullying is likely to happen. Also, try to surround yourself with friends or classmates who are supportive whenever you can.
Express Your Feelings: Jot down your thoughts and feelings in a journal or diary. It is important you are able to express yourself, especially when you are going through a tough time.
Reach Out: Try to find activities that will occupy your time in positive ways. Preoccupying yourself in positive ways will influence how you feel day to day. Try not to spend too much time on your own.
(ADL)
Cyberbullying
Bullying happens electronically too. If you are the target of cyber bullying make sure you are:
Saving The Evidence: Take screen shots or keep copies of bullying texts, emails, and other harassing communications.
Not Responding: It can be very difficult to not defend yourself by retaliating but this will only make the situation worse. Do not communicate with someone who is bullying you over the web. Instead, try to find other ways stay away from the social networking pages the person is attacking you, whether that may be Facebook, Twitter, and Forums etc.
Report: Tell an adult you trust about the incident. You can also contact the Website, Internet Service provider and/or law enforcement officials.
Block: Protect yourself from future bullying by blocking them from your social networking pages and email. Also protect yourself from future attempts by changing your email address, screen name, phone number and passwords as needed.
Find Supportive Groups: Look for new online groups and games where the people are positive, supportive, and friendly. Leave the groups where mean or aggressive behavior is happening often.
(ADL)
One of STARS’ main goals is to create an environment that is safe and offers the best chances of success for our young adults. We want to encourage you to BEE A FRIEND instead of a bully or a bystander. If you know someone who is being bullied, report it.
