STARS, Author at STARS

June 2, 2015 By STARS Leave a Comment

Internet Safety Tips

With summer just around the corner, kids and teenagers will be spending more time on social media channels and less time supervised by an adult. With that in mind, we’ve compiled a few helpful tips to ensure your family is staying safe online.

Social Media Can Wait

Don’t be afraid to ask your child (13 or younger) why he/she feels social media sites such as SnapChat, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, and Facebook are appropriate for their age group? Ask them why they want to be on social networking sites. If you feel like they are not ready to have a social media account, explain to them why you do not feel comfortable with the idea, the benefits of not having a social media account, and the perks of enjoying real-world activities over social media. Remind them that social media sites are not going anywhere. They have the rest of their lives to be active on social media accounts.

Know Their Passwords

It is important for you to know their passwords and periodically check their social media channels for anything out of the ordinary. Make sure your child is aware you know their passwords, that you will be routinely checking their page as a way to ensure their safety (not as a means to be “nosey”), and that your primary goal is their safety.

Accept Parents’ Friend Request

We can already hear the uproar, “No! My mom joined Instagram and she wants to be my friend…Ugh. Gotta start using SnapChat instead…” The important part is to explain why accepting your friend request on social media channels is significant to their safety. Encourage other adult friends to follow/friend your child.

Friends Only

Privacy settings should be set to the highest level possible (i.e Friends Only). Privacy settings are relatively the same for each platform but periodically they are updated, so stay informed with the privacy settings to ensure your child is protected. Additionally, make sure your children know not to share personal information such as where they live, phone numbers, or any information you wouldn’t want on the web. As a house rule, your children should not accept anyone on any of their social media channels whom they do not know personally.

**Parents, it is your job to make sure they are sticking to this rule!

Helpful Suggestions:

As an adult, you need to be the expert. Stay informed of the latest social media channels, how they work, their privacy settings, etc.

We suggest the “family computer” be kept in a common area of the home where everyone has access to the computer and it is clearly visible. If your child has his or her own laptop or iPad, it is important to come up with guidelines of when, where, and how long he or she uses it. The same can be said for cell phones.

To help both parties agree on the terms and conditions of using technology, create a family contract that outlines your expectations as well as theirs. This will help ease conflicts down the road. If you are looking for an example of a contract, head on over to: Cyber Bullying Website

For more helpful tips and advice visit our blog!

STARS exists to serve schools and communities by providing prevention, intervention, and treatment services addressing bullying, substance abuse, violence and social and emotional barriers to success.

May 27, 2015 By Matt Gress Leave a Comment

Reflections on Diversity Day

Diversity:

Webster: the quality or state of having many different forms, types, ideas, etc.

the state of having people who are different races or who have different cultures in a group or organization

Student: how inside our differences, we are all the same

I knew when the students started arriving this was going to be a different kind of day. After being on the road the past two years, meeting thousands of students and educators through our Youth Engagement Summits and MOVE2STAND trainings, I could tell there was a different energy in the room, a special kind of excitement and anticipation. I was right. On an ordinary Friday, at a school in East Nashville, I saw hope, compassion, and unity in a group of extraordinary high school students.

My colleague, Eric Johnson, has been doing amazing work with “Diversity Day.” I’ve listened to him passionately talk about how he has been inspired by the kids who have attended these event, but due to scheduling, I hadn’t had the opportunity to participate before this one. “Diversity Day” is a sort of cultural exchange program where a rural school and a city school send a group of students to spend the day together to “walk in each others’ shoes.” At the beginning of the day, the two schools lined up in the middle of the gym. Then the students, one by one, walked toward the middle to meet their partner for the day. The pairs then stuck together for the entire day. The two schools involved were Jackson County High School and Maplewood Comprehensive High School. Maplewood had already spent the day in Jackson County, and now it was Jackson County’s turn to spend the day at Maplewood. In addition to Eric and I leading them through activities, the students ate lunch together, toured the building, walked the halls during class changes, and attended a class with their partner.

I wish I could describe every poignant moment, but there just isn’t enough space. So, I’ll highlight a few. The first thing that struck me was seeing them hanging out together. In the beginning of the day, they were encouraged to talk and get to know their partners. I didn’t see any tension, anger, or much fear at all. Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, poor, rich, rural, and urban, just talking, being with each other. Without the outside influences and noise they hear every day from the world around them, they were just kids. They were connecting.Another moment came after lunch. We purposely divided them by the color of their eyes and treated brown eyes as if they were better than the others. They went to lunch first. We praised them. On the other hand, we made the others wait, and we talked to them as though they were second best. We then said that they were not allowed to eat with the brown-eyed students. However, these amazing students rose to the occasion. During our time of processing the activity after lunch, the students spoke with determination, purpose, and clarity. Several had defied our instructions, a kind of civil disobedience if you will. We asked them why they went against the rules. The answers filled me with hope. They said they would not bend to the will of those who seek to divide. They stated that their friendship and loyalty to those they cared for, their new partners, outweighed any “societal” pressure to shun, demean, or divide. In other words, they stood up for an ideal in the face of pressure to do the wrong thing. I was reminded of the Robert Kennedy quote:

Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.

Finally, I was most moved during the “Perception Line” activity. Students stood in a line across the gym, each student holding the hand of their partner, then connecting to the rest of the group. Eric read a series of statements filled with perceptions, privileges, and biases. Rooted in culture, economics, social standing, family makeup, opportunities (lack thereof), ethnicity, and many other factors, the statements hold a mirror up to many of our societal perceptions. Each statement, based on its positive or negative impact on an individual’s status in our society, caused some students to step forward or backward, while others stood still. Students watched as some of their friends continued to step backwards. I watched as they desperately tried to hold on to their partners’ hands as they stood farther and farther apart. Even though it was just a game, a simple activity, they inherently didn’t want to let go. They refused to let even one of their new friends breakaway. They didn’t let anyone fall, no matter how uncomfortable it became. By this time of the day, they were bonded. They refused to let differences, struggles, or even space divide them. At the end of the previous Diversity Day, when Maplewood visited Jackson, one of the students said, “the only thing that separates us is a hundred miles.” Today, they found a way to close even that divide.

I may have gone there to inspire the students, but I was the one who left inspired.

Still, as if on cue, the “real world” invaded almost immediately. That evening, I began receiving messages from my friends and family in my hometown. See, I grew up in Baltimore, Maryland. The Baltimore riots had just begun over the death of an African American man, Freddie Gray, who had just been arrested. Even as I write this, I’m receiving messages from family. I made the mistake of reading some of the comments that follow news stories online. They are filled with hatred, violence, and desperation. Yet, in the middle of it all, I hear the voices of the young people from Jackson County and Maplewood High Schools. I hear their hope. I see their fresh perspective. I feel their truth-filled defiance. I know, yes I know, they will do it better. They will continue to usher in change. They are ready and willing, if we provide the space, to bridge the deep waters that are between us, to bring peace in the midst of chaos, and hold up hope in a sometimes hopeless world.

I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality… I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

Yes, I think I prefer the student’s definition of diversity over the Webster’s definition.

Diversity: “How inside our differences, we are all the same”

May 20, 2015 By STARS Leave a Comment

Shway’s Courage

*Shway and his family came to America when he was 14-years old as refugees from Burma.

Shway spent the first fourteen years of his life alone and isolated. For fourteen years, Shway wasn’t able to communicate or speak with anyone, not even his family. Shway was born deaf.

Unfortunately, neither Shway’s family nor anyone in the community knew sign language. Growing up in a community where learning how to sign wasn’t an option meant Shway could not attend school. This meant he did not have the opportunity to develop language; he didn’t learn things had names or the scribbles on signs or books had meaning.

Even though the kids around him went to school every day, he would spend his days alone trying to make sense of the world around him.

The day Shway boarded the plane to America, he didn’t know where he was going. It was like any other day, he followed his family. He didn’t know that a whole other world was about to open up to him. He didn’t even know other places existed.

Soon, Shway would be able to tell someone about his day, how he felt or if he was hungry. He would be going to school and learning for the first time. Finally, he would know what the things around him meant. He would have friends to connect with, laugh with; he would have teachers and interpreters who believed in him and cared for him.

I’m sure if you were to ask Shway now, he would say he had no idea how much his life would change just by boarding the plane to America.Once Shway arrived in America, he still had many challenges before him. Not only was he in a new country with new cultures and customs but he would start attending school. Shway’s challenge now was to start learning how to communicate and it would be tough. Majority of children started learning as infants, Shway was 14. He had to start from the very beginning. He had to learn the alphabet, colors, nouns, and verbs, and to read and write. Not only did he have the challenge of learning one language, but Shway had to learn two: English and American Sign Language. With a lot of support from teachers, interpreters, and STARS Services for Students who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing program, Shway was able to learn quickly and he excelled!

However, Shway still couldn’t communicate with his family. His family did not speak English, and they didn’t know how to sign. This made it very difficult for Shway to communicate with them as well as for them to learn sign language. Eventually, Shway’s sister learned sign language and was able to help him communicate at home. For the first time in fourteen years, Shway was able to develop a relationship with his family.

Shway came from a place of darkness, loneliness, and isolation but through his hard work and determination he was able to flourish. None of this could have been achieved without his incredible strength and courage. Recently, Shway, a graduating senior from Hillsboro High school, a student of STARS Services for Students who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing, received an award for the tremendous courage he’s shown throughout his life. Shway’s tremendous courage and willpower to overcome the many challenges he’s had to face are humbling. Now, Shway hopes to continue his education, work, and someday travel all over the world. We can’t wait to see what the futures holds for you, Shway!STARS was able to:

Work with Shway’s family to teach them sign language. Shway’s family is able to communicate and have a relationship with their son.
Offer family support – from teaching the family about Deaf Culture to valuable resources available for Shway.
Involve Shway in social activities for the deaf including after school programs and camps.
Help Shway gain work experience by exposing him to volunteer opportunities to further his knowledge.
Create a transition plan for life after high school.

To learn more or stay updated with our Services for Students who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing, visit our page.

*Name was changed for privacy.

April 29, 2015 By Rodger Dinwiddie Leave a Comment

The Stigma about Alcoholism – Alcohol Awareness Month

It’s been three decades since I attended a training offered by Operation Community Awareness Nashville (CAN). That training and one shortly thereafter provided by STARS, (an organization that I only had heard about at the time), changed my life. So much so that I began my own recovery from the impact of addiction, and have been working in the field of prevention, intervention, and now treatment, for the last 30 years.

Three decades later with the all the medical advances and knowledge about addiction so prevalent in our culture, the stigma about alcoholism and drug dependency in the family still exists. This is especially true if you are a child or adolescent living in a family impacted by the disease of addiction. Ask yourself these six questions:

Have you ever thought that one of your parents had a drinking problem?
Did you ever encourage one of your parents to quit drinking?
Did you ever argue or fight with a parent when he or she was drinking?
Have you ever heard your parents fight when one of them was drunk?
Did you ever feel like hiding or emptying a parent’s bottle of liquor? (Or you choose the substance)
Did you ever wish that a parent would stop drinking?

If you responded YES to 3 or more of the questions, it is highly likely that you are a child of an alcoholic. (Note: These questions are a subsample of the questions appearing on the Children of Alcoholics Screening Test, developed by Jones and Pilat, and have ben rigorously tested.)

April is Alcohol Awareness month.

It’s a time to focus on the families that are impacted by alcoholism; and for over 30 years STARS has been working to alleviate the shame and stigma about this family disease.

Did you know:

That according to the National Association for Children of Alcoholics, more than 28 million Americans are children of alcoholics; nearly 8.3 million are under the age of 18.
That an estimated 12 percent of children in the United States live with a parent who is dependent on or abuses alcohol or other drugs? Alcoholism and other drug addiction tend to run in families. Children of addicted parents are more at risk for alcoholism and other drug abuse than are other children.
That children growing up in families impacted by substance abuse are the highest risk group of children to become alcohol and drug abusers due to both genetic and family environment factors? And that they are also at a higher risk for emotional disturbance, neglect and abuse. Also, that the biological children of alcohol dependent parents who have been adopted continue to have an increased risk (2-9 fold) of developing alcoholism? (National Association for Children of Alcoholics)
That one in four adolescents who start using alcohol and other drugs under the age of 15 end up developing abuse or dependence problems and do not stop until they have gone to treatment 3-4 times over several years?” (National Institute on Drug Abuse)

The costs to families, our culture, and, most importantly to the young people impacted by this disease are staggering, economically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and physically.

Breaking the shame that goes along with the admission that there is the proverbial “elephant in the room” can be painful, disrupting, chaotic, unnerving, humbling as well as restorative, hopeful and healing. Thank goodness that today, for so many children and adolescents, the cycle of silence and shame is being broken. Whether through the work of Kids on the Block, school-based STARS Student Assistance and Deaf and Hard of Hearing services, or YODA’s intensive outpatient treatment services, the stigma of substance abuse and dependency is being broken.

When STARS began in Nashville in 1984 our mission was to help prevent substance abuse among adolescents, to support children of addiction, and walk alongside those adolescents that had already experienced treatment for this disease. Those services are still thriving today and we are fortunate to have been able to add these additional approaches to help young people and their families find the hope, strength, and ability to heal and recover.

Without the support of this community none of this would be possible. For more information about how the many programs and services of STARS might be able to support your school, faith community, or family, please visit our website. For information about how you can support STARS, please visit our website or call us at 615-279-0058. STARS will forever be about providing support to families impacted by addiction, breaking the code of silence and shame that too many are living with, unnecessarily. Help break the cycle this month!

April 20, 2015 By STARS Leave a Comment

Tips for Child Disclosures: Dos & Don’ts

Over 800,000 children are confirmed as victims of abuse or neglect each year in the United States. Neglect is the most common form of child maltreatment, followed by physical abuse. Perpetrators are often family members, friends, and acquaintances. In fact, 95% of all victims know their perpetrators.

Since 1981, our Kids on the Block program has been serving Middle Tennessee with the mission to educate children, as well as adults, about health and social issues that affect people every day. Kids on the Block uses several tools to help raise awareness by providing an interactive, educational puppetry program for children in elementary and middle schools.

Our Child Abuse Prevention program is licensed through the Tennessee Department of Children’s Services and can be modified for grades K-4th. The program teaches children the facts about child abuse, stressing the point that child abuse is never a kid’s fault and that it is okay to talk about it. As we’ve stressed before in our Tips to Teach Children How to Respect and Accept Differences, we understand everyone doesn’t have access to our program so two of our puppets, Stephen Arthurs and Sabrina Johnson, are here with helpful tips on Listening to Children for reports of abuse physical, or sexual.

Hey Guys! My name is Stephen Arthurs. My mom had a problem. She used to hit me and hurt me a lot because she didn’t know what to do when she was angry. That’s called physical abuse. But guess what? I found out I’m a really good kid and what my mom did to me was NOT my fault. I’m here to help you too!

Hi! I’m Sabrina Johnston and what happened to me is called child sexual abuse. I found out that what happened to me was NOT my fault and it is OKAY to tell, even if you are told not to. Stephen and I have come up with some Dos and Don’ts when listening to a child disclose.

Listening Dos & Don’ts

Remain calm and composed. Children can mistake or interpret anger or disgust as directed towards them. It is important to remember that you are not angry with them, but at what happened, so remain calm and composed.

Believe the child. The majority of children do not lie about abuse. Let the child know you believe them and want to get them help.

Explain it’s not their fault. Make sure the child knows it is in no way their fault.

Give positive messages. Reinforce how proud you are of the child for telling you. Reassure them with positive reinforcements such as, “I know you couldn’t help what happened.”

Answer honestly. Listen and answer the child’s questions honestly. This may be tough but it is important that you do.

Respect the child’s privacy. Let the child know you will respect their confidentiality by not discussing the abuse except to those directly involved in the legal process. Do not discuss the abuse in front of people who do not need to know what happened. Do not push the child to give details, instead leave that to the professionals, they will know how to handle it.

Keep a stable environment. Although the child has been through a traumatic experience, do not change the rules for them. The most important thing they need right now is stability.

Report to the Department of Children’s Service. As an adult, it is your duty to report the incident. Tennessee law requires that any person who knows, or has reason to suspect, that a child has been abused must report it to local law enforcement authorities or to the Department of Children Services. Suspicion leads to reporting. Reporting it does not mean that you are certain that abuse has occurred. Reporting abuse or suspected abuse is a request for professionals to investigate further.

To report suspicion or an incident call: 877-237-004

DON’T:

Do not overreact or panic. When discussing the experience with the child, do not let your emotions get the best of you. It is important for you to remain calm and composed, children need help and support to make it through this difficult time.

Do not pressure for details. Do not pressure the child to talk and do not avoid talking about the abuse. Let the child talk at his or her own pace; forcing information can be harmful.

Do not confront the offender. Leave this task to the authorities. It is your job to be a support system for the child.

Do not blame the child. Never, ever blame the child. Abuse is never the child’s fault.

Signs of Disclosure

Less often do children come to you in private and tell you specifically what is going on, which is why it is important to know the signs of a disclosure when they do happen. One of the more common ways children disclose is through indirect hints.

For example, “My babysitter keeps bothering me,” or “Mr. Jones wears funny underwear.”

Usually a child uses this form of hinting because he or she hasn’t learned the specific vocabulary. He/she may feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it directly; or the child has promised not to tell. Sometimes it is a combination of these reasons. If you notice this behavior, gently encourage the child to be more specific. It is important to bear in mind the limits of his or her vocabulary; he or she might not be able to explain exactly what is happening.

Additionally, children will disguise the disclosure.

For example, “I know someone who is being touched in a bad way” or “What would happen if a girl told her mother she was being molested but her mother didn’t believe her?”

The child might be talking about a friend or sibling, but it is just as likely they are talking about themselves. Encourage the child to tell you what they know about the “other child.”

Often the offender uses threats to force a child to remain silent, so the child will disclose with strings attached.

For example, “I have a problem but if I tell you about it you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

When this happens it is important to let the child know it is not their fault. Tell the child you believe them and want to get them help. In order to do so, you need to make a confidential report to safe grown-ups who can help. You will respect their need for confidentiality so you will not discuss the abuse with anyone except to those directly involved in the legal process.

Another sign to watch for is if a child has explicit knowledge beyond their years.

For example, a child talks about the appearance of body parts, how they taste, smell, or feel.

These can be indicators something else is going on. Be sure to gently ask the child more questions.

As parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and adults, it’s our responsibility to protect children. For more information, or if you would like to attend a Stewards of Children training or bring one to your workplace, school, church, group, etc., please contact Melanie Scott for more details.